Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks [LYRICS]

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Life-Things Change

My eyes have opened up and I now have seen the revitalization of what's really been going on. I was thinking that I really was going crazy or insane. But with a whole lot of prayers, from me and friends, I woke up feeling more confident and a better feeling about myself! You know it amazes me how other peoples words and actions can influence and change so much about a person. I was mentally, emotionally and physically (only a couple of times for the physical) beaten for the last 15 years of my life. I thought and truly believed that what was going on was, what was said about me was true and that I really didn't know anything. I have for the last couple of years been really down and depressed. More then I ever have been in my entire life. I could NOT get out of it. Just got worse as the days passed. I actually came to believe that I would never come out of the dark or be able to be ok with me and my life ever again. It was the most lonely and terrifying thing I have been through so far. I woke with a huge weight off my shoulders and new found peace of mind. It is a God deal!! What I could not do for myself he did for me and most of it, I believe, through friends. I am so relieved. Now, with all this, I am going to work hard to pay it forward, continue growing and get a life again. I am going to live like there is no tomorrow. Enjoy my friends and family adn not hide from them all. I know this will be a difficult journey at times but least I have hope now and can see the light at the end of that dark tunnel I have been living in. thumbup  I want to thank each of you that has been by me through all of this. (You know who you are) I swear, I could NOT have done this without each of you. Thank you for sticking around at my lowest and listening to all the negative whining I did. If you had not been there through all that annoying crap, I honestly think I would have died in that hell.
  Love to you all~

DONE!

DONE!: "You know...I get sick and tired of complaining and burdening others with my problems. I hear and read the same stuff over and over. I know things need to change. Honestly though, I have no hope or desires anymore. I have been miserable for the last several years and it is only getting worse. I have been put on probation for assault, cps taking my children out of my home and I get the pleasure of watching others do for them that I am not allowed to do or can not do. Watching these people help out MY children has built up alot of mixed emotions. On one hand I am grateful but on the other hand, I am bitter and pissed. Then, I get screwed over by more people or so called friends than one person should. I try to stay up beat and positive but I have had it! I AM DONE! I give up completely. I will not attempt suicide again because I do not want to hurt my children. But I refuse to give a fuck or help anyone else the remainder of my life. I just pray to God that I will not wake up one day. Spare me the hell. I can't bare the thought of living another 40+ years like this.

"

2010 experiences

I have been reflecting over the last year.  I have gone through so much, what I call shit, stuff.  It has been one uphill battle after another.  I have made it through all of them with the help of my friends, family and by the grace of god.  When I lose faith, I used others for it.  I have become isolated through all of it.  Full of fear of it becoming worse.  Reluctant to help others out or even give a shit about others.  I have become so isolated for whatever the reasons, that I have lost a few good close relationships too.  One most important one is my relationship with my daughter Ashley.  I know all of this I am facing is a direct result of my actions and I am the only one to blame, but it is still fucking hard as hell to face alone.  When this all began and my girls were taken out of my home, a piece of me died and my fight lost.  I am now at a point where I considering to fight again, finding my faith and believing in a god and socializing more.  BUT, I don't get to see my older girls enough.  And I hardly ever see my grandbaby, Taylenn.  I feel deserted and lost.  I finally get the strength to get up and fight for my life back but I still struggle with the "wtf for".  I use to say for my kids.  But they don't seem to need me as much anymore now they are older.  I do have Payton but that is another story.  I dont feel she has much love or faith in me.  She is the first to quickly wrongfully judge me.  It hurts but I guess I deserve it.  Anyway, I currently I wonder why I stick around this hell hole.  I know my girls love me and it would kill them for me to die so I continue on fighting for a life I am not happy in.  It gets harder by the day.  I know many are disappointed in me, as I am disappointed more, just know, I keep fighting for yall and trying to better my life for yall.  If yall can't be satisfied then please tell me cuz what's the point then.

Believing there is hope

I know what you're thinkin'
We were goin' down
I can feel the sinkin'
But then I came around

And everyone I've loved before
Flashed before my eyes
And nothin' mattered anymore
I looked into the sky

Well I wanted something better, man
I wished for something new
Yeah, I wanted something beautiful
I wished for something true
Been lookin' for a reason, man
Something to lose

When the wheels come down
When the wheels touch ground
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down

Know your head is spinnin'
Broken hearts will mend
This is our beginning
Comin' to an end

Wheels