Life-Things Change

My eyes have opened up and I now have seen the revitalization of what's really been going on. I was thinking that I really was going crazy or insane. But with a whole lot of prayers, from me and friends, I woke up feeling more confident and a better feeling about myself! You know it amazes me how other peoples words and actions can influence and change so much about a person. I was mentally, emotionally and physically (only a couple of times for the physical) beaten for the last 15 years of my life. I thought and truly believed that what was going on was, what was said about me was true and that I really didn't know anything. I have for the last couple of years been really down and depressed. More then I ever have been in my entire life. I could NOT get out of it. Just got worse as the days passed. I actually came to believe that I would never come out of the dark or be able to be ok with me and my life ever again. It was the most lonely and terrifying thing I have been through so far. I woke with a huge weight off my shoulders and new found peace of mind. It is a God deal!! What I could not do for myself he did for me and most of it, I believe, through friends. I am so relieved. Now, with all this, I am going to work hard to pay it forward, continue growing and get a life again. I am going to live like there is no tomorrow. Enjoy my friends and family adn not hide from them all. I know this will be a difficult journey at times but least I have hope now and can see the light at the end of that dark tunnel I have been living in. thumbup  I want to thank each of you that has been by me through all of this. (You know who you are) I swear, I could NOT have done this without each of you. Thank you for sticking around at my lowest and listening to all the negative whining I did. If you had not been there through all that annoying crap, I honestly think I would have died in that hell.
  Love to you all~

DONE!

DONE!: "You know...I get sick and tired of complaining and burdening others with my problems. I hear and read the same stuff over and over. I know things need to change. Honestly though, I have no hope or desires anymore. I have been miserable for the last several years and it is only getting worse. I have been put on probation for assault, cps taking my children out of my home and I get the pleasure of watching others do for them that I am not allowed to do or can not do. Watching these people help out MY children has built up alot of mixed emotions. On one hand I am grateful but on the other hand, I am bitter and pissed. Then, I get screwed over by more people or so called friends than one person should. I try to stay up beat and positive but I have had it! I AM DONE! I give up completely. I will not attempt suicide again because I do not want to hurt my children. But I refuse to give a fuck or help anyone else the remainder of my life. I just pray to God that I will not wake up one day. Spare me the hell. I can't bare the thought of living another 40+ years like this.

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